Balanced thinking about LGBTQ Issues less sexy Audio
Many people stand on the bible in one way or another. For a lot of people, whether they value the good book or not, it becomes the standard used to try to prove a point.
It’s dramatic. It grabs attention. It’s sexy.
When Dan Savage stands up and says “We can ignore the bull**** in the bible.” Society is outraged. I was outraged! Even though I agree with him, I was outraged. Really Savage? You’re doing good work out there, and you still feel you have to add drama? Make it sexy? Make it noisy? My question for Mr. Savage…Did you plan to say that, or did you get caught up in the moment?
I don’t disagree with Dan Savage. I do believe that when we get dramatic, we can lose the message. When we get disrespectful, we lose support. How many people stopped listening after he said there was bull**** in their book of worship? Did his method gain supports for the cause, or simply lose support for himself?
Then there’s the other end of the spectrum – with which I concretely do not agree. While Dan Savage is talking to university students Sean Harris, pastor of Berean Baptist Church is telling his parishioners to give their kids a smack if they show opposite sex characteristics. In the clip of his ‘sermon’ which has gone viral, Harris berates parents who see boys dressing like girls without “squashing that like a cockroach.”
“Can I make it any clearer?” he yells on the recording. “Dads, the second you see that son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give them a good punch. OK?” http://www.fayobserver.com/articles/2012/05/02/1174936?sac=fo.home
The difference between the two? Besides their positions, Harris flip-flops on his words…saying he meant the intention, but not the action, while Savage stands by his words, and throws out challenges for debating the issue to leaders of religious groups. The similarities…they are both using verbal bully actions.
Here’s the intelligent viewpoint. Yes. There are parts of the bible that we ignore today, much like there are parts of every religious book that we ignore, and yes, if we wish, we can extend that to sexuality. And no, it’s not okay to discipline your child simply for being who they are. Please remember that YOU made your child.
And in terms of choosing one’s sexuality? Our creator made us all different from one another in various ways. For me. the biggest winning argument for sexuality not being a choice is the fact that sexuality is found in nature. My dog is bi-sexual and doesn’t show any shame for it.
The message? Love one another. Accept one another. Treat your members of humanity with humanity. It’s the same message given by the bible….but also by a whole lot of other spiritual leaders. When we can do this, when we can accept that everyone is where they are at for a reason, we can discuss instead of denigrating. We can do that without using bully actions. Maintain respect. It might be less sexy, it might not go viral…but we’ll get a whole lot more accomplished!
the reason why they pick on the pesorn they pick on is because they may feel threatened by them or insecure. they figure that by verbally abusing that pesorn, their self esteem gets lower so then the bully would feel better about themselves. or if they are insecure they would beat down the pesorn physically,emotionally, or veribally so when they see that pesorn is getting weaker/ affected by the bullys action, they feel better about themselves and gain a false high self esteem. people in the workforce always deal witht he stress of the job especially one that is competitive. they feel like thier workforce is the survior of the fittest and that they have to destory whoever is in thier way. ( bullying the pesorn they feel is working better, or the popular nice one)
You are definitely right that some people use bully actions to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse. I’ve had people say to me directly that they use bully actions in order to make someone else feel as bad as they feel. Definitely people are threatened by acheivement of others sometimes and that is a big big reason why bully actions happen in the workplace, and something that I have actually directly experienced! Thanks so much for commenting Daniel, I hope you will return and comment again!
It really denepds on the situation. Some people are insecure and use bullying as a way to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities, but in other situations it is more a form of peer pressure. If people at your workplace look down upon someone, most likely the bully will say something to impress or make everybody else laugh at what they did, which I guess in a way is still to make themselves feel better. They probably don’t think of themselves as a bully, but instead feel that being mean to other people is funny or will get laughs, often times they don’t think about the effect that it actually has on the victim that they choose.
It really does depend on the situation, Rhamin! That is why we really want the discussion to move away from zero tolerance. Each situation is different and each person uses bully actions for different reasons. Each situation and individual needs to be evaluated and addressed with insight and wisdom. Thanks so much for your comment! Hope to see you return to our blog!
It’s true, bullying is not cficlnot, it’s abuse and should be dealt with like any other abusive situation. The hardest part of bullying is trying to find out who is the bully and why they are picking on others.
This topic always gets to me because my brother was bullied. And, sure enough, when he stood up for himself, he got in trouble, too. I don’t think he ever really resorted to violence but the two boys got into enough of a fight that they were both in trouble. He was bullied continuously by the same boy and even though the school knew about it, nothing they did actually changed anything.
Perhaps the bullying changed forms (physical to verbal) but it continued. At one point my dad actually went directly to the parents of the other boy and told them if it didn’t stop he would press charges. I feel my brother had every right to defend himself if he were getting physically bullied. In fact, my dad even taught him basic ways of doing so in case anything happened. Unfortunately, teachers and schools often have little recourse to effectively discipline the bullies. My brother and the bully, for example, had to write a letter explaining how they felt and what happened. I’m not quite sure how that teaches the bully that the behaviour is unacceptable or the bullied child that the school is on their side to defend and protect them.
I’m not sure what can be done to stop bullies but I’m pretty certain that what is done now is not usually effective. A slap on the wrist and a “go play nice” doesn’t work once the kids are back on the playground.
You’re so right, Jorge. What we’re doing now isn’t effective, or else why are we seeing the escalation we’re seeing. Right now there is a lot of awareness, and the easy solutions being provided – walk away, ignore, tell someone – but that does no good when children don’t know HOW, or when the person they tell doesn’t know what to do.
Having both kids write how they feel isn’t effective. It might be therapeutic for the person on the receiving end of bullying, but it’s not that person’s responsibility to make things okay for a child who has used a bully action against them.
We need to teach children how to deal with bully actions, how to avoid using them, and how to stand up for others. We don’t expect children to have grade 12 math skills in elementary school, we can’t expect them to have grade 12 social skills. These things must be modelled and taught over children’s school years. Thanks so much for your comment.
What a wonderful blog!I had a female student come to me just today about this very thing. She told me that some of the girls in my classroom had used bullying behavior by sending texts and emails to her. They had also deliberately shunned her. It shocked me to hear it, as I had not noticed. I immediately telephoned an assistant principal and asked if she had time to speak with the student. I mentioned that I had read about a official document entitled a stay away agreement currently being incorporated in our school district. She confirmed there is such a document. Then I sent the student to the assistant principal’s office. Afterwards, I made myself a promise to inform my students about this document which is available to students who feel bullied. I hope other teachers will do the same.Thanks again for airing this problem in our schools!
This problem is the most important matter in education. In Korea, Japan, and any other country, there are the same issues. But behaviors of bullying children haven’t been restricted appropriately. There must be the education for humanity and manner, before teaching a practical knowledge.
People like you inspire me! This arlicte really hit home! My son has been a victim of bullying & it has devastated our entire family. Our religion has been questioned as well since this all took place in a Catholic school system. We cannot seem to get any help with the matter here in Indiana. And it hurts me to find out that this is still continuing in the same school to this day.
The administration/staff/minister ignore what is going on and the discipline is just not there. Repeatedly the students are rewarded for their behavior by allowing these students to participate in the same events that the victims take part in. The school is creating the future for these children What else can we do to keep this from happening? My son is still dealing with the aftermath .
Refuse to fight him. I know it sounds weird, but by fighting him, you’re giving into what he wants. Talk to the teacher. The principal. Everyone who will talk about this bully. Tell your parents. Get the whole school against this bully. Take him down with kindness.
Chances are his home life is crap, or he’s over induldged and he thinks he can bully anyone. Don’t give in! Walk away. You will be the better person. You NEVER have to be violent. You could embarrass him in front of everyone by being kind. I was bullied as a kid. I remember telling the kid “I feel sorry for you. You must feel so bad about yourself.”
I felt like a wimp, but let me tell you, in the long run it paid off. He’s spent his adult life in and out of jail.