I recently did a very important interview with Dori DeCarlo and David Carraturo. It aired on May 24, 2018 and is found at the Word of Mom Podcast.
Anyone who knows me knows that I focus on kindness and bullying instead of tragedy and bullying. But sometimes the tragedy is so great that it needs discussion. There must be discussion. I was asked to send in a list of questions for the show. If you listen, you’ll see that we don’t really talk about these questions. The conversation was just that…a conversation. There is tremendous power in candid conversation. David Carraturo lost his beautiful daughter to suicide. Even when he thought things were getting better, the intrusive self definitions were taking shape. The kinds of things that very few people talk about out loud. We need to talk out loud, and make it okay for others to do so.
The questions – and some answers. I hope people will listen. I hope YOU will listen. It starts with YOU, dear reader. Pass on information about No Such Thing as a Bully to your local school. Share it with a parent. Teach a child how to change their thinking. There is power in this information. Power for you to strengthen yourself and the people you love.
I hear about bullying all the time. Why is what we are doing to deal with bullying not working?
We tell students to tell adults, but adults don’t know what to do.
We have trouble defining who a bully is, and who a victim is – so problems get ignored instead.
We are reactive and punishment based instead of proactive and teaching based.
We tell kids to let it roll off without teaching them how.
The No Such Thing as a Bully System teaches important personal strengthening skills, sometimes called “Soft Skills” to parents – then teaches parents how to teach the skills to their children. We provide a new definition for bullying – with 8 clear components. We take away the labels of bully and victim. We proactively teach people how to manage their fight or flight response, take charge of their thinking, set goals, and master kindness.
What do parents need to know as they approach authority figures in their children’s lives? Be calm. Step back from your own emotions. We know our kids carry a piece of our heart around and when they hurt, we hurt. Identify your own bullying issues. The things that affect your child now, may have affected you. You might have some things to work through. Keep seeing your child as your child. Don’t define them as a bully or a victim. They’re just your child.Think about what you want your child to learn. Learn it. Teach it to them.
The No Such Thing as a Bully System helps you, as a parent, identify the calming techniques that work for you. It provides a new framework for you to think about this experience within. And whatever you want your child to learn, we’ll help you teach it to them.
What’s the difference between crisis work and preventative work in bullying issues?
Crisis work is always reactive. Reactive work tends to be based in fear. Fear of something happening to self, to child, to school staff careers. We don’t always make the best decisions while in crisis, and our ability to learn can be impacted. Preventative work is focused on changing the culture, replacing the bullying with something else. Bullying can’t just be pulled out without leaving a hole that will be filled by human nature.
The No Such Thing as a Bully System along with the Moment of Kindness Foundation helps families and schools to change the culture to one of kindness by teaching strengthening skills and creating the expectation of kindness.
How do we move towards preventative work?
We get open to it. I hear a lot of blocks. That will never help. Things are already too bad. He’ll never listen. But when the action is focused on self, what someone else does doesn’t matter. If the bulk of a school/family is strong enough to eliminate victim responses, bullying becomes a smaller issue. People who are using bully actions tend to drop them because they aren’t working – they end up making the person using the bully actions look and feel a bit silly.
Join us for the interview here on May 24, at 1:00 pm ET. Here’s the link. I will be on the chatline live, and so will David and Dori.
The app mentioned in the interview is at this link. Check it out. http://nosuchthingasabully.com/uknowkids/
For more information about The No Such Thing as a Bully System http://nosuchthingasabully.com
For more information about The Moment of Kindness Foundation http://momentofkindness.com
Get in touch, tell us what you want to do to help.